God Me & Self Love Episode 10

In this episode Bianca talks about how the ups and downs of trials in her life, led to the understanding of how God led her to the understanding of self love. God navigated her journey as she remained obedient to God even when she failed him. 

Listen to this podcast as Bianca walks you through her journey on following God's GPS and the beauty, joy and journey of self love.

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Self love is the highest form of love. It is not selfish - it is about the journey to learn you, love you, appreciate you, be responsible for you so you can live & be your authentic geniune self.

This is the true form of attracting all good things that were created just for you.

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Transcript

Hey, what's up, gang? It's your girl. Bianca renee. Bianca on self love. Welcome to my podcast. This podcast to basically teach you, show you, help you learn not only how to love yourself, but how to set boundaries completely do you? And learn how to heal from the pain and trauma that cause you to not love yourself in the first place. I'm your Girl bianca renee on bianca and Self love. Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Facebook, Twitter and on All Podcast platform is your girl b Renee. Hollah at me. Remember, it's self love of everything. Let's go. Hey, what's going on, guys? It's Bianca here today I want to talk about something that I came up with on my self love journey. It's remarkable how the things you come up with fall into while you're on these certain journeys in life, right? So if you check back to my previous podcast, I've always talked about how long I've been on my self love journey. At the same time, it really never ends, but it started now, probably about nine years ago. But what I learned actually, I wouldn't even say learn I kind of tapped into. And it's something I've always been doing naturally, but I kind of just became aware of it. When you go through trials, right, and things that happen in your life, you start to realize and be like, dang, I feel this is what I'm doing, or I've done before, but I'm actually really doing it. So I'm like, this is crazy. And my mom would always tell me, she was like, I commend you because you do this more than I can do this. And no matter what someone says to you, you're always doing this. You don't listen to nobody else. You pay attention to God. So this episode is about God, me, and self love. And I did a little snippet on my Instagram a while ago god, me, and self love. And I talked about how navigating through life I don't want to be just listening to everybody, what they want me to do for my life, right? Because when you're in this world, it's so easy to follow what everyone else is doing. And what I learn is sometimes that will take you down paths that you may take years to get out of. And I've been there. And then some of these own paths are my own reasoning. Some of them were my own choices. Some of them were my own faults. I can't blame everybody about the paths I've chosen in life, but once I went through some things in life, and I'm just like, when I was a child, I let God leave me, right? And I followed his every move, and he navigated my life to where I was up until the point before I strayed away, okay? And I just was like, forget it. I don't know. I went to this episode of I just want to be free, and maybe sometimes I was a little bit too free, and I felt like I was letting go of everything that I felt was bonding me. I felt trapped. I felt like I was locked up inside of me. I felt like if I did something wrong or said something, everything I did was wrong. And I had to ask God about that. Why am I blaming myself for things that I'm doing? I was literally condemning myself, and I wanted to break free from that. And I will talk to you later about where that source came from. And season two in relationships, you definitely want to listen to where that came from. But I was just like, I want to break free from all of this. I want to be this beautiful butterfly. I don't care what people think about me. I don't care what they say. Like, this is what I'm going to do. If you don't, like, you can kick rocks. You know what I'm saying? That's how I was. And it was always me and God. Always me and God. When I was a little kid. And I kind of strayed away from that for a while. And then when I got sick and everything, and I talked about that in the last the previous episode, how I could barely walk sometimes I would tell you I went through my emo emo days, months and years that I was like this. I didn't know what was going on. It was terrifying, to say the least. I'm sure people can be familiar with not feeling like themselves. I went from this beautiful butterfly to this email hermit who don't want to talk to nobody, don't want to be bothered, this complete introvert. And it was toxic and damaging to my life. And so many things in my life triggered that. And as I was coming out of that, god was by my side every step of the way. I felt like in my darkest moments, in my darkest times, even my darkest thoughts, god was such a beam of light for me. And God me in self love became a thing. It was always God and me. Anyone would tell you, like, I will always follow Godly. Even when I was doing bad out there in the streets, I would still say the same prayer. And I would say, Lord, before I go to sleep, I would say, God, if I'm not where you need me to be, please move me every night. And basically I was saying, I can't help myself. Lord, I need you. Like, I can't pull myself out of this. Like, I'm asking you for help. Like, SOS I can't do this by myself. I don't know how to get out of the situation. God, please help me. So that was my prayer to him. And the sad part is, sometimes I would ignore it. I would ignore him telling me to move. Until one time he literally came to me and he said, if you don't move, you're not going to be here. And that started my journey into coming out of the pain and sinful life on my journey to self love. And so a few years ago, I was just saying it's got me in self love. And those three things bind me. It keeps me whole. I don't know if you have experienced this or not where you're kind of battling between what's morally right and what's morally wrong and what's spiritually meant for you. I don't know your beliefs or anything like that, but what's good things that come out of your life, what you can do with them if you stop doing these crazy, bad things or stop these horrible thoughts or stop hanging around with certain type of people that keep bringing you back to whatever lifestyle that you think that you need to be a part of. And I was that person and it was the freedom, right? But it's not saying when you come out of those text toxic situation that you still won't be free because you still will be free. You would just be spiritually free. And you're doing it morally God's way, right? Or the way that healthy for you in your life. And I had to learn that through pain. I had to learn that through trauma. I didn't know how I was going to get back to this pace place of solitude within myself. But obviously I had to go through some things to realize and check myself to be like, yo SIS, this ain't good for you.

Participant #1:
It's crazy how things work out in life and life is a journey. And it's crazy as I sit right here and I'm talking to you guys and sitting here thinking about everything that I've done and how God navigated me through all of that, even in the back of my mind, he was telling me, Stop. And I still did it. And I still became the person that he always wanted me to be. And I'm just here to tell you, like, no matter what you're going through, let God be your GPS. Even in the midst of failure, even when in the midst of depression, even when the midst of something you have done wrong in your childhood or your adulthood or in a type of relationship, when I tell you no, matter what it is, if you lean on God, he will be your GPS and he will navigate it out of you and navigate you out of the situations that you're in. Listen to me very clearly when I tell you that I always had a good foundation with God. Always. Even when I was a kid, my mom would tell you I used to put stickers and paint on my ceiling of the stars, the moon, the universe, just so when I lay down on my bed at night, I could look up at my ceiling and I can still see God. That's how close I was to Him, and I still am. Mom had no influence on that. It was just always something that I had been since a child. I came out the womb having this beautiful spiritual connect with God. And I knew it like I would go to parks and just sit and talk to God by myself or if I'm that babysitter, just something like that, like I was a kid or in a hood. I had conversations with God in my mind. And even though we went to church, it was something that I've always done. I felt like it was just in me. It's who I am. And as I got older, I tapped in even more and God started loving me up spiritually. But in order for me to get there, I had to learn how he works. Not how I work. How he works. Because the way he works and navigates is not the same way that you or I navigate through life. And his grace is sufficient enough. Sometimes I feel people feel that if I am so torn and I've done so many bad things and I've said things to people, I've done things to people, how in the world is God going to love me if I can't love myself? And for me, that was a pivot point. When he starts showing me through my failures, through my bad decisions, that I'm still going to navigate you out because you're willing and you're open to taking another path. If you can go to Him and say, you know what? I can't do this on my own. God, I don't know how to come out of this box that I'm in. I am drained. I feel like I'm jailed in my own mind, in my own body. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm reaching out for something because I have so much pain. And the streets make me happy. Like, the streets are love more than my home, for example, or being a part of this group. This toxic relationship is more important than home or doing the right thing. If you're at that point, I promise you, if you just ask God to lead you because you can't, he's going to get you out of it. And I'm just saying you have to be open and willing and he will show you. Just like I learned how to love myself, I thought I knew what self love was until I came out of this lifestyle. I was living and sinning and being too free in the world. And I realized I didn't know what self love was. Self love doesn't mean I have a nice car, a nice bank account. I have all the name brand shoes and purses and hats and jewelry and the latest car, and I have the longest hair. Like, that's not self love. Self love starts with then, right? Self love causes you to check yourself. Self love is I'm taking responsibility for me and my actions. I don't care if you have a six failure, a millionaire job or business. You still may not be in love with you. You could be miserable because you are using material things to substitute for the healing that you need. And only God can navigate that for you. So the Pivot for me was realizing that God is my GPS to self love. God can only navigate that for me. I don't want nobody else telling me which way I should go, left or right or up or down. I only want God to navigate those decisions for me because he knows where I'm supposed to be in life. He ordered my steps. He's ordering my steps. I don't want nobody else to navigate that for me. I want God to be my GPS and you should ask Him for the directions each and every day that you can. God, where am I supposed to be today? God, help direct my path. God, show me how to love me. God, show me how to respect myself more so that I won't accept any disrespect from anyone else. Because when you love yourself, it comes with a higher grade of respect that no one will ever be able to meet. Do you understand what I'm saying? They will never be able to meet the level of respect that you have for yourself and because of the level of respect that you have for yourself, which is so high when someone comes towards you and disrespects you, you have been on your self love journey. You love yourself. God has navigated you and showed you and taught you how to love you. You will never allow or accept disrespect from no man or no woman to talk down to you. Never. That's that's the grade that I am trying to get you to move into. And it starts with God's navigation of how to show you and teach you how to love you. It's marvelous. It's the best thing since sliced bread, I promise you, because self love is not for the weak and it may not be for the strong either. It's for the willing. If you say to yourself, I'm willing to go through this journey, I'm willing to face my inner self, I'm willing to forgive others who hurt me. I am willing to apologize to people who I possibly hurt and take responsibility even if I don't physically see them or say them. I'm going to let God know because this is the level of pieces that you need to release. It's all about release. And you can't come back to that. You can use it as your stepping stone to move on, but you have to take time with each of those pieces of pain or trauma or things you said and things you've done. And it takes work. It's a journey. Like I said, I've been on this journey for nine years. I probably say over the past five years is how I really, really tapped into me. You know, in this year, even in 2023, like, right now is day four, and I am really getting back to this beautiful butterfly that I've always been. And I knew I had to let go of some things, and I've had some Karma come back to me. And I'm going to tell you right now, you may not think that Karma is real, but it is. And during this self love journey, no one is perfect. I don't care who you are. No one is perfect. And I've done some things in my life that I'm not proud of. And people have done things to me, said things about me. Like, I always own everything I've done, but I do not let people put things on me that I've never done. Those are two different things, right? And you understand the difference, so you know the difference, right? Most of the things that I've done has something to do with me saying, like, nobody else, right? So when people impose certain things on you, you're like, oh, no, I didn't do that. But you know, the trauma and stuff that you've gone through, you were reaching out for things that were sinful, and it wasn't the way you're supposed to be living, and it's not okay. But those pieces are going to cause you to are going to come up again, right, in your self love journey. And you got to face them. You got to face them. Just picture yourself, like, in a room interviewing your old self. You're mirroring your new self, right? Because you're looking at you and you saying, this is not who I want to be anymore. So how do you get out of that? You got to question, why did you do this? What made you do it? What is the source of your actions that you're doing? Why are you out here in the streets? Why are you cursing people out? Why are you in these toxic relationships? Do you have issues with your mom or dad? Like your sister, your brother? What is the source? Like, what happened to you as a child? What made you feel inferior? What made you feel like you don't matter? What is the source? You know the source. And you have to be honest with yourself. So as you are going through this self love journey and you're asking God to help navigate you through that and teach you self love, remember, there's still going to be things that come up in your life that may not be good, right? Things life happens, right? But just ask God continuously for protection and healing and that and he will provide. You have to believe. And so these karmic things will come back up if you believe in that. I believe everything comes back around. Everything you do comes back. I believe in that. It comes back in a different form. But what I learned, and I call it my Karma phase is now gone. And I've healed from all that, and I forgave people, and I moved for it. And I am spiritually free in the moment to truly love me unconditionally over the past five years and open for love and the beauty of self love. And when God is navigating you is I didn't want anyone in my life at the time when I was broken. Do you understand what I'm saying? God does what he wants, right? He's the author of our life. And I knew I wouldn't be ready for anyone in the state I was in. I could barely understand myself, you know what I'm saying? And I'm supposed to understand another person. Come on in. I'm like, oh, my gosh. That's a lot like, what are we doing? What are we doing? Because it's going to be chaotic. I'm trying to be focused on myself, and you holding me accountable for things I can't even hold myself accountable to. You know what I'm saying? So I didn't want to be involved with anyone else. I didn't want to love anyone else. But sometimes it came up, and some relationships were toxic because of it, and I had to learn to grow and be. And I am full confident now that once you match the energy of I love me, right? I will always love me. I respect myself. I love myself. I am happy in my skin. I love me from the bottom top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I love everything about me, and I am present in this world, and I am being the best version of myself in this world. I don't care what anyone thinks about me and what they say about me. This is what I'm doing. I am a firm believer. Once you see yourself there and you believe yourself in this moment, in these moments, as I just stated, that if you're looking for love, number one, stop, you will automatically match that energy with somebody else. Does that make sense? Because if you don't realize selflove is the best love and self love is the greatest attraction to love. And if you're single and you're listening to this, I pray that you find love in 2023 and pray for me too. But okay, because, yes, I am here and I'm ready, and I am open, you know? And I was closed off before because I wanted to work on me. But we're going to talk about relationships in another episode here, but right now, we're talking about God and Navigating, having him navigate your life, right? So God is my GPS to everything that I've done in my life, and I don't want anybody else to move me any other way. Some people will get real offended with me when I be like, no, I'm not doing that, saying, no, I don't want to be a part of this group. No, I don't think this is good to me. And it wasn't nothing to them. It's not good for the journey that I'm on. Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, when God navigate you and he is your GPS, there's going to be some things that you can't do and you will automatically know, not the same for me. I can't do that now. I'm sorry, I can't do it. I'm going to have to pass. Just not my calling. And then you're just going to have to be okay with it. And if the other person isn't, that's on them. But in order for me to get to where I need to be for God, especially in 2023, like when 2023 hit, I was skeptical. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know what was going to we've been through some years the past few years, so everybody was on ice, like, what's going on? What are we doing in 24 three? It wasn't a happy go lucky New Year's hunt because we've been through a lot of things over the past few years. But for me, it's go time. I've gone through the failures in business and relationships financially, I've been through it. Self love is not just about you and your heart and loving you. It's also about your foundation and you building yourself up. Because once you start to love yourself, everything else that you neglected will start to heal. So if you have problems with mental health, I definitely recommend going to a counselor and talking to someone about that to help yourself heal. Because sometimes it's when you don't love yourself, everything you neglect. I remember when my father passed away a few years ago during the COVID era. That Friday, I was supposed to go see him and stay the weekend with him because I was up there for the past couple of weeks and, you know, I got a call that he passed away. I'm just like, I'm supposed to come up there this weekend and it really hurt me. And I'll talk about that later in relationships, but when that happened, I was just like, dang, like, really? This what we're doing? And it took me by surprise. It really did take me by surprise. I'm just like, what am I doing? What am I going to do that my father is not here anymore? Because I am like my father in so many ways. I love to laugh. I'm comedian in my own weird way. And when he left and we had so many talks the past couple of weeks before that, I felt like it was supposed to happen, you know? And I had to say to myself, like, what am I going to do now? What are we doing? And it kind of hurt me. And it broke me for a while, and I was still in my self love journey, but I was on the end of it, of the trauma and pain and my little karmic cycle that I went through, right? So I neglected some things. Sometimes I didn't feel like washing the dishes. Sometimes I had two loads of clothes, like sometimes I just laid in my bed, stand at the wall, I lost appearance. I didn't know how to heal from that. And I realized, you're not going to heal from that. I'm just going to grieve and keep grieving and keep being upset. Like I had to go through the grieving process, anger, wondering why all these things went through my head. And I neglected a part of me, I neglected some things around the house and I'm being honest because I didn't expect him to pass away. And I listened to his messages still today, but I am better than what I was. But I am never healed or never, ever healed from losing my dad. And I would say that now that I am better, not great, but better, I have started paying attention to those loose ends. So sometimes when you go through things, you neglect certain things in life. Sometimes you may neglect cleaning up your house, sometimes you may neglect not clean out your car or maybe sweeping a porch, or maybe doing your normal routine because you're not the same anymore. And I'm going to tell you something real quick. Don't have people around you who don't love you. Because when you're going through that, you don't need anyone to judge you. You just need someone to be there with you and love on you, I promise you. Because if you don't have anyone loving on you in those moments where you don't know what to do, you don't care what you look like. You may be crusty, dusty, all of that, but that person will stand by you or those people will be there to support you and say, you know what? I get it. I'm here for you. What do you need? If you don't have those people around you, please dismiss them today. It's 2023 and you're not going to be able to move forward if you don't let go of those things that no longer serve you and you know who's around you, who love you, right? If you don't ask God, he'll tell you. But I cleaned up those loose ends and I started to realize I was like, oh my gosh. I'm slowly, mentally, physically getting back to myself and it feels freaking good. And I start to go back like, dang, I remember when I never worried. I put on my mom's refrigerator when I was a little kid and I said, no worries. My mom was a worry ward. I'm running around, free spirit butterfly shooting stars up in the sky, that's me. I ain't care about nothing, if you understand me. Like, troubles may come, like, okay, bye. That was me. But when trauma hit or things that I've gone through in life hit, I didn't know how to navigate that. And I was so busy trying to run away from the trauma and healing the trauma and get back to this beautiful butterfly that I realized that I had to go through this to get back to her. And in 2023, God's been downloading some things to me. And I know you guys may feel the same way if you don't tap in, because 2023 is a different type of year. This year is for the books. This year is where things are done. We may have set things up. We may have put some things in place over the past two years. Whether it's your business, whether your relationship was connecting with people, this season right here is for the books. This is about building. This is about strategy. This is about executing. Okay? Like, everything that you've done before don't matter no more. What matters is how you do today. This is day four, and I promise you, I had already completed 15 things that I had on my agenda to do in quarter one. And I'm getting back to who I used to be in that. That's nothing for me, right? And it's God's work. So don't worry. Do not worry. But if you just let God be your GPS and let Him navigate you through life and through this self love journey, self love gang, I promise you, you will come out of this greater, stronger, better, loving yourself more than you've ever done and with the greatest respect of yourself. And I'm going to leave you with this. I want you today, at some point, to ask God this. Show me the person you see in me. Because when I did that, I'm going to repeat myself. Ask God, show me the person you see in me. Show me, me. Show me how you see me. Because how he sees you and how you see yourself are two different things, I promise you. Because when I asked him that just the other day, and I started to go through my pictures and I cried, I was looking at this beautiful woman, I'm just like,

Participant #1:
wow. And that right there just made me stronger, even more stronger. And seeing how he sees me. Because even though we mess up, we think God sees us as a messed up person. He doesn't see us that way. He's going to make you responsible for some stuff or own it, but he don't see us the way we see ourselves. So I said, I want to be in alignment with the way you see me. Because when I'm in alignment with the way God sees me, that's nothing but strength. I don't care what nobody else says, because the way God sees me is how I'm going to be showing up in the world. And I'm going to ask God to navigate me through that. So I won't skip no beat or miss no beat anymore. I don't want to miss a beat like I've done in the past 23. I don't want to miss my mark. I don't. Because I missed some blessings in the past. I don't want to miss no more blessings anymore. Now I want to make sure that I am on the same pathway as God has navigated me to be. And I'm in alignment with how he sees me. Self love, gang. I love you. Make sure that you tap in self love over everything. This is the end of season one. Thank you for staying in tune. Check out my next podcast on season two, the Relationships. Beyonca Renee signing off. Hey, what's up, gang? It's, Beyonca renee here beyondcloth self love. I hope that you enjoyed the podcast today or tonight or this morning, whenever you listen to it. Listen, be sure to check me out Beyonce on Self Love on all podcast platforms. Also, don't forget to check in with me, facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Beyonce and self love. Also check me out a new YouTube channel, beyonca's World. I got you. Listen, thank you. Self love, gang. Remember always, it's self love over everything. I'm out be Renee.